The AMAs saved by Hot Girl Meg

When ABC’s contract to air the Grammys expired in 1973, Dick Clark created The American Music Awards. With this kind of entrance into the world, the AMAs were born to be the Grammys’ less original, trashier younger sibling.

Despite the AMA’s prime-time slot on ABC on Sunday, US viewing figures fell to a record low of four million (a 40 per cent rating decline since last year). On the same evening, ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’ raked in just shy of the same number. This is somewhat bewildering. World-class acts such as Dua Lipa and Billie Eilish – the fifth and eighth most listened to artists on Spotify, respectively – graced the line-up. Furthermore, America remains in lockdown. Surely being swept away by your favourite popstars on TV seems as good an option as any right now? It seems bewildering that so few young viewers watched the AMAs; until, of course, you watch the show itself.

The AMAs never promise the drama of the Video Music Awards. They usually just amount to a dry run of the Grammys, which take place two months later. However, the show’s lacklustre nature was apparent not only in the performances this year, but in the format itself. The awards occurred in-person and indoors at the Microsoft Theatre in Los Angeles (even as the state of the pandemic rapidly worsens in the USA). Cases of the virus are rising and America is poised for an even bigger spike after Thanksgiving. It therefore seems to be a particularly tone-deaf time to hold an in-person event. Whilst the floor was empty, select fans got to watch the show – hosted by “Empire” star Taraji P. Henson – from the balcony. Depressingly, the ‘lucky’ few had to be masked, sitting with their families, and in quarantine pods – only after testing negative. Are the health risks and hard work really worth it to watch the knock-off Grammys?

Arguably not. Canadian artist Justin Bieber kicked off proceedings with a brooding performance of ‘Lonely’. The song, written by Justin, documents the hardships of fame and child stardom. “Maybe when I’m older it’ll all calm down, but it’s killing me now”, he wails. As with many recent videos of Justin, the performance makes my heart ache for him. He doesn’t open his eyes once and looks incredibly forlorn. As moving as it is, the melancholic ballad is simply not the right song to open an award show with. Surely the AMAs should be a sparkly affair, an escape from these tumultuous times, rather than a bleak reminder of them. Justin is a talented musician with pitch-perfect vocals, but the tone of his performance was completely off. I wouldn’t be surprised if this rendition caused already-depressed Gen Zers to change the channel to something more light-hearted.

Later in the night, Noughties icon J.Lo gave a characteristically sexy performance of her new song, also entitled ‘Lonely’, with Columbian singer Maluma. Breaking away from her classic poppy/R&B style, the star pays homage to her Puerto Rican roots with this Reggaeton number, singing in Spanish and English. There is a whiff of Chicago The Musical in the air as J.Lo prowls the stage amongst dancers writhing behind cell bars. She then performs a show-stopping routine on a chair and gyrates on Maluma, who frankly fades into the background. Undoubtedly, J.Lo’s ‘Lonely’ is far more entertaining than JB’s ballad of the same title. Despite the superstar’s comparatively thrilling performance though, the song itself is nothing extraordinary. Even the choreography isn’t original per se; I saw similar moves in the The Pussycat Dolls’ ‘Buttons’ video in 2006.

The stand-out performer of the night who did not lack ingenuity was Megan Thee Stallion. After picking up the ‘Favourite Rap/Hip-Hop Song’ award for her and Cardi B’s ‘WAP’, Megan returned to the stage to perform her new single ‘Body’. The set begins with a monologue in Megan’s Southern drawl: “I love my body. Every curve, every inch, every mark, every dimple.” The star is then lowered from the ceiling and “Body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody” reverberates around the empty arena. Megan and her dancers (who are all shapes and sizes – yay!) twerk to their hearts’ content in an unapologetic display of sexual empowerment and body confidence. “All my pictures been gettin’ you through quarantine”, she spits - and she’s not wrong. Without Megan’s social media presence and her viral song ‘Savage’ with its accompanying dance, quarantine would’ve been a lot duller. Megan simply has a knack for making viral hits and the leg-popping, hip-thrusting ‘Body’ dance challenge is already inundating TikTok.

Megan Thee Stallion is a beautiful phoenix who has risen from the ashes of coronavirus. She even injected some oomph into America’s naffest music award ceremony at the height of social distancing. However, the countless bland performances the audience were made to endure (if they didn’t flick over the channel) did not make the case for award shows happening in-person right now.

The 2020 AMAs is available on Hulu and YouTube.